The First Day
by Latenightmom
Summary: One shot- Prompted by 7x14 synopsis. Alica's first day back at the firm proves to be quite an adjustment, now that she knows Will really did love her. Office politics aside, it's also the memories that she has to fight through.


**A/N; This one shot was prompted by the synopsis for 7x14, and previous events in recent episodes. It's Alicia's first day back at Lockhart, Agos, & Lee. Yes, she's been there before since Will died, but it's different now that she knows he really loved her. The first day back brings on memories that had been buried for quite some time, making adjusting back to firm life more difficult than just dealing with office politics. Some of Alicia's thoughts are lines from the show, and some are mine.  
**

 **6:00 a.m.** The alarm goes off a good hour earlier than it has most days in the past year. Today instead of walking across the apartment to her office, she has to be more prepared, ready to leave home for the entire day. _"Come on Alicia, Come back home."_ Cary's words had convinced her, and now it was - _the first day._ For some reason it felt suffocating.

Applying the last of the make-up, placing the small studded earring in, Grace calls from the entryway. "Mom, I'm leaving." It's not how this routine used to go. _"Kids, breakfast. - Hurry you don't want to be late."_

Or that time Grace had taken on the parental role. _"Brush your teeth, and do not lose any more clients."_ _\- The_ _first day -_ _of Florrick, Agos, and Associates_.

She pulls her bag over her shoulder reaching for the doorknob to begin yet again another - _first day._ She pauses - _Will takes her hand preventing her from opening the door, pressing his lips to hers one last time. The last time he'd been there as her lover. "I'll see you at the office."_

She exits the apartment, _her old office_. Why was going back so difficult? She'd been in the Lockhart, Gardner offices a great amount of time since… - _the_ _first day -_ without him. She'd occupied his office. But this was more difficult now that she knew the truth. - _"Okay, love you… I didn't mean…" -_ But he had meant it.

 **8:00 a.m.** She heads for the elevator, still unsure if this was the right decision. _Junior partner?_ Junior partner, she didn't have much room to argue. She needed the help with the 1.5 million. This would allow her to be back within the neighbors good graces, and she wouldn't be trapped for endless hours between the four walls of the apartment that she used to love, but that were now suffocating with too many memories.

Lucca joins her in the elevator. "Are you ready for our _first day?"_

They step off the elevator. Cary greets them, but clearly has a lot on his mind. They follow him, in the opposite direction of her old office - _Will's office._ Lucca is given a cubical near five other associates. She's thrilled, her own desk, her own space. The enthusiasm of young associates brings a smile to Alicia's lips.

Cary leads her to her new office. Not any of her old ones, A relief really, no ghosts from Lockhart, Gardner past, to haunt her.

"Someone will be here in a few minutes to run through the new software program. We changed things after you left because of the email…"

\- " _I can't get you out of my head. The touch of you, the taste." -_ Of course they had to change the system. It was smart.

"We're holding a partner meeting at nine." He looks as if he wants to say more, it's awkward the tables turned. Cary trying to be friends and her boss at the same time.

\- " _Alicia, you cut my billables. It screws me come partner time. And I'd prefer not to have the rug yanked out from under me a second time_."

Or the more problematic employee, employer, situation. - _"Your affidavit could prove problematic. Because, at the point and time we're talking about, I was an underling."_

"Thanks Cary."

He just nods. "It's good to have you back Alicia!" He smiles and walks back out the door. - _The first day -_ has just begun.

 **9:00 a.m.** She exits her office and starts to make her way to the conference room. The looks, the stares, that were meant to be brief or not noticed at all, seem to be glaring like sirens in the night. She knows what they're all thinking, and it's nothing new. The words just re-organized in their minds from - _can you believe she stays with husband?_ \- S _he's old friends with Will. That's why she's assigned all the good cases. -_

To - G _uess you had to do something now that you won't be First Lady_. And - _bet you wish Will were still here. He would have pushed for senior partner_. -

She brushed it aside. This was already proving more difficult to adjust to than she thought it would, but it's only - _the first day._

She enters the conference room. It's filled to capacity, and there are no empty seats. She stands next two other partners. One whom she personally had promoted to partner just over a year ago. Her presence seems to go unnoticed, and she's fine with it. A quick run-down of firm business from Diane. A run-down, and assigning of new cases from Cary. She's proud of him really. His past two years haven't been a walk in the park either. Yet, somehow he survived and is the one standing at the head of the table assigning _his_ partners cases. Something she should be doing. - " _Stop it Alicia!" -_ over and over in he mind. She knows she's the one that's gotten herself into this mess in the first place.

\- " _Are you married, or aren't you?" -_ The one thing she wasn't expecting to have to get used to on - _the first day -_ was the bombardment of memories from the past.

She and Cary make eye contact briefly. The smiles exchanged are genuine. She knows he wanted her back for her friendship, and quality of work. She's less sure of Diane's motives. At points, the two women seemed to be on the same page. But could two women who shared so much in happiness, grief, and competition in the past, really make things work again? Especially, now that one had the upper hand.

The meeting ends. Diane makes a point to say hello, and asks her to come by her office later so they can talk. She's already moved onto the next task at hand.

Alicia purposefully avoided standing in a spot where she could see her old office - _his old office_ \- but catches a glimpse as she turns to exit the conference room. She inhales. It's like a crime scene with police tape preventing one from entering. Too many memories, good and bad, were held within those four walls.

" _I want to be here." - "I want you to be here." - "Then, then I'm here."_

" _I want to take you now." – "Well, that might prove difficult!" – "In my bathroom!"_

" _Will..." - "Yes?" - "I can't. It's too much... I'm sorry."_

" _So, that's it then, isn't it? We just decide it, and it's so?" – "Yep, we're adults." - The first day -_ after she ended the affair _._ She shakes her head refocusing on the work she's just been assigned.

 **1:00 p.m.** She'd been busily working the past several hours. Working, it felt good to work, despite all the interruptions. Now that she no longer had to worry about where her next client or paycheck would come from, work was refreshing. She could concentrate on what she really wanted, the law, and welfare of her clients. Instead of the office bills, and politics, that left little room for the law. Lucca pops her head in. "Want to go catch a bite to eat while we discuss our clients?" The smile across her face is no less than it had been five hours earlier. This was definitely the right decision for Lucca, even if the jury wasn't in on the decision in her own case.

 _\- "Want to catch a bite to eat?"_ \- Those words used to have a different meaning. - _"Diane says I'm going to hard on you. Am I... going to hard?" - "It's kinda late for lunch." – "Yes Grace, it is."_ \- So much for avoiding the ghosts of Lockhart, Gardner past in her new office.

She let Lucca choose the place. Lucca had impeccable taste. The food was divine, or had it just been the company she used to keep here? If she would have known during those lunches he really did love her, would things have gone differently? Would their passion filled moments have been different, meant more? She'd never know, she never let him talk about it.

"Hey, you okay?" Her distant gaze noticed. She didn't have to keep the secret anymore. Lucca, her friend, something she hadn't had in so long, knew about her past now.

"We used to meet for lunch at that hotel." She points a finger across the street. No other words need be spoken. Lucca understands, and like the flip of a coin has her laughing at something that distracts her from her memories. Oh to be thirty again with so much of your life still ahead of you. Not that she was old, and didn't have things to look forward to. But there was a difference between thirty and forty-seven.

As they walk back to the office she realizes that was the first lunch she's had without a glass of some sort of alcohol in a very long time. For that matter, it was the first well balanced meal she'd eaten in a very long time. Lucca was having a good effect on her. Maybe things really would end up fixing themselves.

 **4:00 p.m**. An old client just walked out of her office. She had to admit that meeting with clients in a real office again was good, if not only for the fact that no longer did anyone walk through her personal life to get to her office. In fact being back in a real office had brought a number of phone calls throughout the day from clients wanting to meet. Either Cary's doing, or people really did prefer high end furnishings from their lawyers. Even Colin Sweeny had called. He recently found himself in another messy situation.

\- _"Are we really going to represent him?" - "Yes, we are really going to represent him. And, lucky you, you're now second chair."_

\- " _We said we'd have dinner didn't we?" - "Yes, we should."_

\- " _You're going out?" - "Yup. I'm not punishing you Peter. I'm going out to dinner with an old friend."_

 **6:00 p.m.** She walks back into her office having just taken a file to Lucca. This case has already stirred up controversy within the firm. She'll have to talk to Diane before the night is through. She finds Jason sitting comfortably on the sofa near her desk. A slight flutter fills her whole being. A flutter that's been missing for too many years. A sensation that brings back memories of so many late nights where Will was found on her sofa, or she on his.

\- _"We're the last ones here." – "I used to love watching you pitch." - "I'm not interested in anyone else." -_ Not interested, he had really meant it, she knew that now. At the time she'd just brushed it aside. She always had. And he'd been so patient. Probably assuming she'd come around some day, and would allow him to tell her in person how he really felt.

"So how's your first day back?" He questions as she sits at her desk.

"Good, for - _the first day -_ anyway!" Truth be told, it had been more difficult than she'd expected. Her desk now cluttered with more work than she'd seen in a very long time. They got lost in each others eyes. Who was she kidding? She couldn't lie anymore, didn't want to lie anymore. "Actually, it's been an adjustment, taking orders from people, having to be on my best behavior." She raises a seductive brow.

"Uh, huh!" He smiles with his, "I'm fine" grin, slapped across his face waiting for her to continue. Then finally, for just awhile, the other grin that's gripped her heart mercilessly since - the _first day -_ after Eli's confession, fades. Allowing her to enjoy this new smile. The one that's not dead. The one she can reach out and touch.

 **9:00 p.m.** Diane finally has time to talk. Alicia understands, she used to be in Diane's position. Things have not mended completely between these two women who shared his affection and broke his heart in different ways, all in three weeks time.

\- _"Diane gave an interview that exposed the firm to criticism."_

\- " _I took you in. No one wanted you. I hired you, I pushed for you. - You were poison."_

The discussion is all business. Diane is worried about this new case, and the issues it's caused within the firm already. Alicia puts her concerns at some ease. The subject quickly changes. "You're really all right coming back as a junior partner?" Diane seems genuinely surprised.

"I am!" She smiles, but they both know it's hard, even if if's what has to be for now. "I didn't know that I had any choice." It's said with a slight sense of bitterness. She thinks she knows exactly what Diane's thinking after saying it. - _I saved you from ruin, again. But you still feel entitled -  
_

It may not be what Diane is thinking, but the look on her face says enough. She stands, "Thank you Diane! It is good to be back."

Diane nods, and without thinking Alicia heads out the door she'd meant to avoid. She pauses just outside Diane's office, the air suddenly sucked from the space. The crime scene now five feet in front of her. She doesn't see the new art David Lee hung above the desk. She doesn't see the art she had hung above the desk. She sees his art, the art he could have cared less about. Yet the art he sat in front of for all those years.

Diane watches Alicia's form, now frozen just outside her office. With every passing second, she seems to meld right into furnishings. She stands and moves next to the figure whose blood has drained from her features.

"You'll earn it back Alicia. This isn't the end." It's said with true sincerity.

Brought out of her thoughts, but not the ache, that just seconds ago gripped her heart once again. "I know. I really do appreciate the opportunity Diane."

"I know you do. And I really am happy to have a competent female lawyer around the office again!"

They stand there staring into the office that's not occupied by anyone at this hour. "I still miss him you know?" Diane let's down her guard, she can tell Alicia needs it.

Alicia's lips form a thin line as she inhales the thin air through her nose to calm the lump in her throat. "I do too." - _More than you can imagine. More than anyone can imagine._

"Sometimes I still look over there expecting to see him busily working."

Alicia laughs under her breath. "I still see the twenty-three year old who put a suit on for the first time in his life to argue in mock court! His suits became more expensive, his arguing had become a perfected art to a point that could rarely be dealt with. But the man inside the suit with big dreams, and a loving heart never changed."

 **10:00 p.m.** Fourteen hours was enough for - _the first day_. She closed the laptop, and peered out into the nearly empty halls. Lucca looked up from her cubical, a smile crossing her lips. A far cry from the frown that was set across them a few hours earlier when Cary insisted that one of Lucca's new cases go away quietly. That wasn't going to happen. This one would be headed to trial, and she and Lucca may be punished for it within the firm. But she didn't care. One thing she'd learned out on her own, was that even clients with little or no money were just as important as those who could pay three times what they billed. And quite frankly, the average middle or lower class client was more pleasant to work with than the wealthy one.

She turned her chair and stared out the window at the darkened Chicago skyline reminding her of times past.

\- " _This is the happiest I've ever been!" -_

She exhales, to tired to fight off the voice in her head anymore.

" _Alicia"_

" _Will, you're still here?"_

" _Whenever you want. I'm always here in your heart."_

" _You loved me?"_

" _Yes"_

" _I think I made the wrong choice."_

" _Coming back?"_

" _About everything. You, Peter, agreeing to come back here. It's more of an adjustment than I expected."_

" _We can't change the past Alicia."_

" _But if I could just go back to Criminal Law 101, and agree to a real date, instead of endless hours in the library, maybe…"_

" _Alicia, no more what ifs. Pull yourself back off the ground, and out of this endless cycle of guilt. You have so much to live for."_

" _I know, it's just hard when everything reminds me of you. Could you maybe... go away for awhile? Just until I figure things out? Get rid of the guilt?"_

" _Yes, and when you're ready, once you're back on your feet, and have found happiness, and love again, I'll be here waiting. And when that happens the memories will bring happiness instead of pain."_

" _Then goodbye Will, it may be a long time before we talk again."_

" _Goodbye Alicia, I'll be waiting. And remember, today is only – the first day - and the first day is always the most difficult."_

"Alicia," Lucca tapped her on the shoulder. "You okay?"

"Huh, what?" A few tears had streamed down her cheeks.

"You just looked deep in thought there." The younger woman looked concerned.

Alicia smiled up at her wiping away the few tears. "I was, but I'm not now."

"Come on, lets get out of here. Jason and I are going to get a drink. Come with us."

Jason entered her office, and the same flutter that filled her earlier, returned. "You two ready?"

"I should really get home." She stood gathering her things.

"Oh come on Alicia, we're celebrating surviving – _the first day."_ Jason moved closer. "You have time for one drink!"

She briefly glanced towards the window one more time. "You know what? You're right. I have time for one drink. Let's go!"

The three headed down the hall. She caught one last glimpse of Will's office as she rounded the corner to the elevator. It was just an office again. Not hers, not Will's. The police tape discarded. Just four walls that belonged to someone else. She laughed at something Lucca said as they entered the elevator. She leaned up against Jason. And as the doors closed putting an end to – _the first day –_ she felt like she could breathe again.

 _ **The End**_


End file.
